Always Read The Label

It’s Friday, which is the day that, when I can be bothered, I post something that I claim is art, even though it really isn’t.

Even accepting the notion that art is in the eye of the beholder, and that anything can therefore qualify as art, it would be a stretch to claim I’ve actually achieved anything remotely artistic with my ‘Artist’s Corner’ feature.

But today that’s about to change because, ladies and gentlemen of the blogosphere, I give you this masterpiece:

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Now you might claim that all I’ve done here is rip the label off a tin of tomatoes and replaced it with a white self adhesive label onto which I’ve written the word worms.

And you’d be right, that is all I’ve done.

It isn’t an actual can of worms and not even a particularly gullible small child would fall for it. Mrs Proclaims was, nonetheless, a tad apprehensive when I opened the above can earlier this week to make a sea food pasta dish. She ate it but she did eye the squid with a little more suspicion than usual.

But it is art nonetheless, because my ‘can of worms’ is representative of all of the metaphorical ‘cans of worms’ being opened at the moment, all over the world (but often by one man in particular…).

When you think about it I’ve been very very clever here.

Probably the most clever of all the artists.

 

You’ll be egg-static when you read this post – it’s full of egg-cellent yolks

Welcome to another ‘Artist’s Corner’, the regular feature on my blog, which imaginary critics are calling “absolutely pointless” and “the worst thing I’ve ever seen on any blog ever”.

Some pretty hurtful imaginary comments there but regardless I press on with my poor attempts at art.

Normally I’d unveil a fairly rubbish drawing at this point but this week I decided to use the camera bit on my phone to create some ‘concept’ art.

Actually there’ll be a few of these coming up in the next few weeks – I did get a little ‘snap-happy’ once I started.

To begin with though I drew a face on an egg. Hence the ‘egg-based’ puns which featured heavily in the title to this post but have been strangely absent in the post itself.

I expect there’ll be some in the comments though – and yes dear readers that is an invitation to make some egg-based puns in the comments. I’ll be disappointed if there aren’t any now.

Also, if you’re in the mood, you can come up with a name for my little friend.

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But not Eggy McEggface.

I think we’re all better than that.

And also it’s probably best to not get too attached – the morning after I took that photo he made a rather delicious omelette.

This One Could’ve Gone Either Way…

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Welcome to another instalment of Artist’s Corner.

After a slightly surreal couple of weeks I decided to go in a different direction this week and drew a portrait of Mrs Proclaims and me.

The likeness is uncanny.

Still, there was a slight chance that my beloved wife would be offended by the above interpretation of us…

Fortunately she found it charming and has even kept the original paper copy for herself.

Then again, with ‘talent’ like mine, there’s every chance that scrap of paper could be worth millions one day.

She’s very shrewd, that wife of mine…

 

 

Gangster Cauliflower

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Well technically he’s a ‘Gangster Cauliflower Floret’. But if this dude wants to drop the ‘floret’ and just go with ‘Gangster Cauliflower’ then who are we to argue?

To be fair though ‘Gangster Cauliflower Floret’ is what he is, not who he is.

He has a name.

Probably.

Maybe even a few hobbies.

Perhaps when he’s not ‘gangstering’ he likes more passive activities.

Maybe he’s into cross-stitch.

Who knows?

Cos right now he’s going to work and no-one wants to get in his way.

Introducing ‘Artist’s Corner’

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Last week I was lamenting the fact that I actively got worse at blogging in 2016 when compared to 2015.

And although I rather churlishly claimed in that post that I was going to endeavour to be even worse in 2017, in actual fact I’d like to be a bit better.

Or, you know, more popular.

And having examined my ‘stats’ with a fine-tooth comb (that I bought off a dentist for a very reasonable price) I realised that 2015 was more successful than 2016 because I produced a lot more content.

Simple as that.

In the just-under eight months I blogged in 2015 I produced 153 posts, whereas a whole twelve months of blogging in 2016 yielded just 104 posts.

It was all about quantity and very little to do with quality.

I was clearly a man possessed in 2015, churning out all kinds of second-rate bunkum.

Did I really just use the word ‘bunkum’? What is wrong with me? Continue reading Introducing ‘Artist’s Corner’

Angry Artists

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There’s this belief that anger and adversity produces the best art. I’m not certain who actually believes it, but it does seem to be a truism of sorts that is rarely challenged.

I have never achieved success in any of the arts apart from coming second in a short story competition of some repute when I was eleven years old. Continue reading Angry Artists