You could say 2021 Has not really been much fun But as we’re on month number three It won’t be long until we’re free For now that spring has almost sprung We will soon all be back among People that we’ve had to avoid As our social lives were destroyed By a globalish pandemic That…
Tag: coronavirus
Doing Precisely What We’ve Done 18 Times Before Is Exactly The Last Thing They’ll Expect Us To Do This Time
As I write this it is Monday morning, and we’ve yet to formally hear any details of Boris Johnson’s ‘roadmap’ to lifting lockdown. He’s going to speak later. But details have been leaked. And those details look suspiciously like the ‘roadmap’ out of lockdown 1. Is it unfair of me to compare our very real…
A Rapid Rhyme About Poor Lifestyle Choices For Which I’m Making The Current Pandemic A Scapegoat
Oh we’re still in lockdown three Yearning to be free But you won’t find me whinging Instead I’ve started binging Boxsets, booze and food Whatever takes my mood I’m looking quite a state I’m more than overweight But it’s hard to really care If I’m not going anywhere And since I’m staying here I’ll have…
A Limerick That Was More About Me Trying To Make Something Rhyme With The Town Of Reading Than Any Serious Commentary On The Current Pandemic. Also It Is Not Autobiographical
There was a young man from Reading Who was worried about viruses spreading The television news Only served to confuse Now he was also scared of viral shedding
A Short Poem About Vaccines
Despite recent tub-thumping about vaccine supplies I for one have not taken my eyes off the prize For when this will be over, we are all none the wiser So I’ll forego my AstraZeneca and hang on for a Pfizer
A Haiku About How I Miss The Administrative Red Tape Of Having To Book A Room In Order To Have A Meeting
Did we really have This many meetings back when Meetings needed rooms?
Fifty Shades Of Blue
According to some, today is Blue Monday. ‘Blue Monday’ is the pseudoscientific name often attributed to the third Monday in January, which is purported to be the most depressing day of the year. Although obviously complete nonsense, it does hold up to a small amount of scrutiny – Christmas is now long forgotten but the…
A Haiku That Offers Unhelpful Reassurance About The Current State Of Everything
Please do not worry I know the world seems broken But it always was
James Explains The Rules For ‘Lockdown 3’
We’re roughly a week into to what the cool kids are calling ‘Lockdown 3’ in England and there appears to be continuing confusion about what is allowed and what is, in fact, not allowed. Which is in itself confusing because everyone fully understood all of the rules during the last two lockdowns. Except for the…
Lockdown 3 – The Miracle Of Science
And so here we are in another lockdown. It is officially ‘Lockdown 3’ in England, and we must distinguish between the UK and England, because other parts of the UK have been doing things differently, but with, it must be said, similar levels of success. Which is to say hardly any success at all. ‘Lockdown…
2020 Foresight
The return to work after Christmas is always a difficult one. January is not the best of months anyway, what with all the obligatory self-improvement and cold weather, and having to work seems to just be adding insult to injury. January 2021 comes with some bonus challenges of course, thanks to the ongoing pandemic which,…
The Inevitable James Proclaims New Year’s Eve Review Of The Year That Was
Ever since I started this blog, back in 2015, I’ve posted a sort of ‘review of the year’ on the 31st of December. It’s the kind of innovative idea that has made James Proclaims the ‘go-to’ blog for literally tens of people the world over for several years now. I’m surprised nobody else does it…
The Sixth Annual Christmas Message from James Proclaims
Merry Christmas! Sorry, my mistake. I forgot that Christmas had been cancelled this year. Being an established misanthrope I would have no doubt chosen to spend today with my wife and child and absolutely no-one else, regardless of any pandemics, so here at Proclaims Towers it really is starting to look a lot like Christmas.…
The Fourth Annual James Proclaims Advent Calendar of Christmas(ish) Films – Preamble
As November 2020 draws to a close, it’s fair to say that even by the pretty low standards normally set by the eleventh month of the year, it has not been an especially enjoyable 30 days. This may well be in keeping with 2020 as a whole, which has largely been a year of fear,…
A Haiku That Recycles A Joke About An Emotional Wedding Cake In Order To Comment On The UK Government’s Latest Covid Strategy
Of course we all knew That the lockdown in England Would end in tiers
A Haiku About Things You Can Depend On Even During Lockdown
A lockdown Monday Might be unlike most Mondays But it’s still Monday
A Haiku About How Reasons To Be Cheerful Aren’t Always As Advertised
It is Saturday But I can’t go anywhere And it’s November
A Cinquain About How I’m Entitled To Be Annoyed About Lockdown Even Though It Barely Affects Me
Fridays I stay at home But that is out of choice So I resent being told I can’t Go out
A Tanka About How Little Lockdown Will Actually Affect Me
It is, in England The final day of freedom And I’m stuck in work Tomorrow when lockdown startsI will still be stuck in work
A Lockdown Limerick
Now the world has again gone berserk It is no longer ok to lurk Within public places Or see friendly faces But it is still fine to go to work
Locking It Down As The UK Goes Viral Again
As I write this, it is Sunday morning, but due to my propensity to write my posts slightly in advance of the day I publish them, this will likely be on my blog on Monday. That’s just the kind of advance planning I do to ensure that a rather niche and little-read blog is able…
A Post That Is Sort Of About Halloween
Today is Halloween. I don’t much care about Halloween most years, so it seems unlikely that I will that bothered about it this year. But the world is quite a scary place at the moment. I don’t know if that makes Halloween more or less worthwhile. We’ve basically been experiencing the apocalypse since the end…
James Complains About A Man Buying Potatoes (But Not Specifically Because He Was Buying Potatoes)
It’s Sunday morning as I write this (though I think it will likely be Tuesday before I post it) and I am, to put it mildly, quite irritated. Possibly I’d go so far as to say I’m angry. And frankly my state of vexation is over something so petty that I should be able to…
A Rambling Post About Some Stuff And Also Some Other Stuff
Hello people who read this blog. I hope you are well. I’m writing this on Sunday evening, although this post, if I finish it, will not hit the blogosphere until Monday morning. Probably at 5am, as that seems to be the fairly arbitrary time I generally elect to schedule my posts to appear. I used…
James Predicts The Future
It’s not like me to use misleading titles for my posts. Apart from when it is. And I fear I may have done just that today. Because this post is not going to be me attempting to predict the future in a humorous way, which is probably what the title implies. Nor will it be…
Important Information For Our Readers
Dear Reader Thank you for your continued loyalty and support during these past months, which we know have been difficult ones. As life begins to return to some normality, we want to reassure you that we’re continuing to do everything we can to keep you safe while still providing the quality poetry and great art…
James Explains The Mask Situation In The UK
It is officially mandatory to wear face-masks in some places in the UK as of today. It was already mandatory to wear them on public transport but previously it was not necessary to wear them in shops. According to ‘man of the people’ Michael Gove, it was basic good manners to wear them in shops,…
Satisfactory Staycation
This year’s holiday Not the dream destination Easy journey though
Reflections On The Recent Lockdown By A Man Who Might Be Slightly Inebriated
It will be Monday when I post this but, as I write, it is Saturday afternoon. Little Proclaims and I spent much of this morning doing our usual weekend daddy-daughter activities, which mostly consists of feeding ducks and jumping in puddles. I join in with the duck/goose/swan feeding as Little Proclaims, while content to hold…
James Explains Independence Day
Happy 4th July everyone! Today is officially Independence Day in the UK! What’s that? July 4th is Independence Day in the United States? No, that can’t be right. Unless you mean the time that Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum saved the world from aliens in 1996? Because I’m pretty sure that was a movie. And…
An Homage To The Now Departed Daily Briefing
Hello and welcome to today’s update We haven’t got anything new to say Nothing’s really changed since yesterday But it’s important, nonetheless That we update you anyway Otherwise you’ll realise That we haven’t got any idea what we’re doing We’d rather give the impression That we do know what we’re doing Even though we don’t…
