Scraping The Barrel

Is there any problem in the world that can’t be solved by a nice biscuit? Maybe a Chocolate-covered Digestive, or perhaps a Jammy Dodger?

I mean obviously obesity.

It stands to reason that you aren’t going to solve obesity by eating Shortbread.

But, aside from that, is there any problem in the world that can’t be solved by taking time out to munch on a Malted Milk?

Ok, admittedly, it’s unlikely to solve some of the bigger world problems. The UK’s ignominious separation from Europe is still going to be mishandled by Tory infighting regardless of how many Oreos you stuff into your mouth and the septuagenarian toddler in the White House is still going to spout ridiculous, regressive rhetoric irrespective of your Hobnob consumption.

But on a personal level, is there any problem that can’t be overcome by eating Chocolate Chip Cookies?

Well yes.

Eating excessive Viennese Whirls is not going to make your job any more interesting, your bathroom any more decorated or your utility bills any lower.

Bourbons are certainly not going to finish that novel you’re trying to write.

Or start writing it for that matter.

Consuming Custard Creams, gorging on Garibaldis or polishing off Pink Wafers will not lead to long-term happiness.

But they do make a lovely addition to a cup of tea or coffee and may put a smile on your face for a few minutes.

Which is something.

Jaffa Cakes are nice too, but people are often unsure whether they are biscuits or cakes.

And the answer is clearly cakes.

The clue is in the name.

But regardless of that, they do the job of a biscuit well enough.

And whatever your biscuit of choice, or hot beverage for that matter, you should go and have one of each now.

It would be a better use of your time than reading this.

It might have been better for everyone had I not shifted myself away my own biscuit tin in order to write this banality.

But, for the sake of ongoing blog content, I decided to switch scraping a biscuit barrel for a metaphorical one.

I’m truly sorry.

Have a bourbon on me*.

*I won’t actually be providing the bourbons – you’ll have to buy those yourself. Feel free to switch to another biscuit of choice instead. But do have a biscuit. You’ll feel better for it. Unless that biscuit is a Rich Tea. Because seriously, what is the point of those?

  10 comments for “Scraping The Barrel

  1. August 28, 2017 at 5:28 pm

    Garibaldis and pink wafers!! Absolute childhood favours. Could consume a packet in one go. And fig rolls. We tried a new chocolate digestive this afternoon – coffee caramel. Chewy, subtle flavour. Definitely one to recommend. Just so you know 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 28, 2017 at 5:51 pm

      I’m intrigued – I’ll definitely be looking out for those 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 28, 2017 at 5:55 pm

        I noticed they had double chocolate, regular caramel and banoffee flavours too – but we didn’t want to over indulge!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. August 28, 2017 at 10:01 pm

    If Jaffa Cakes are cakes, why are they located with the biscuits in all the supermarkets. Come on clever clogs, answer me that one. I bet you a whole tin of Compo biscuits you can’t! What? Never heard of Compo biscuits? You can make porridge out of them, and yes, they come in a sealed tin can (well they did when I was alive anyway!)

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 28, 2017 at 10:06 pm

      I refer you back to my original point about the name. I can’t be held responsible for the supermarket’s erroneous product placement. I’ll concede they are a very ‘biscuit-like’ cake and perhaps that’s why supermarkets do what they do. Not an answer worthy of Compo biscuits perhaps, but few answers ever could be…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. August 28, 2017 at 11:17 pm

    Aside from the fact that we call them cookies in the States, I wholeheartedly agree with this. I will go get one right now. It’s for the greater good.

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 30, 2017 at 7:33 am

      It is indeed for the greater good 🙂


  4. August 29, 2017 at 12:04 pm

    Biscuits are the best! I will keep eating them even if they solve zero problems ever. TimTams are my favourite, but I don’t think they’re very widely available outside of Australia. But anything chocolate keeps me pretty happy too

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 30, 2017 at 7:34 am

      As far as I’m aware TimTams are not available (or widely available) in the UK, but my sister bought me some back a few years ago when she visited your fair land. They did not last long…

      Liked by 1 person

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