James Explains Onomatopoeia Amongst Other Things

James Explains


Hello truth seekers, and welcome back to the bit of my blog where I answer the difficult questions that other blogs choose to ignore.

Mostly because they weren’t asked them.

But I was asked them.

So I will answer them.

Because that seems like the polite thing to do.

To kick us off, Pete asks:


This is something of a callback to a question that Pete posed a couple of weeks ago, and like then I will refer you to the answer my parents gave me to this question back in my youth, which in this case was… BECAUSE I SAID SO!

Pete also asks:

My cat, sitting on a mat, has just had a urinary accident………Is this onomatopoeia?

Alas Pete, it isn’t. Onomatopoeia is when a word sounds like itself. Which is, to be fair, all words. They all sound like themselves. I may have misunderstood what onomatopoeia means. There must be more to it than that. But I know it doesn’t refer to cats urinating on mats. The word you’re thinking of is catonomatopoeia.

Bryntin asks:

James, why haven’t I got any questions this week?

I had so many last week.

I tried but I simply couldn’t conjure one up, even when I looked in my wardrobe.

I must admit, I was perplexed to discover that you didn’t have any questions Bryntin, but I think I understand why. It’s because questions aren’t kept in wardrobes. Fictional lands with witches and lions and never-ending winters are kept in wardrobes.

Stolzy’s five year old son is back with this scatalogical question:

Why is it that my poop is brown when I ate nothing brown?

I was going to come up with a silly answer to this, but then I realised that I was answering the question for a five year old boy and so I feel that I would be doing him a disservice by not taking the question seriously.

So Stolzy, please read the following answer out to your son, in order to further his education.

Poop is brown because of a tetrapyrrolic bile pigment called sterconilin.

Or it could just be because the poo fairy likes brown.

Take your pick.

Suze asks:

“WHY do men collect crap?” Model parts, dried out glue bottles, modeling paints that are dried up with the cap on crooked…none of which can be thrown out as it “might be needed later”.

Now I can see why you’ve asked me this question Suze, because, as a man I’m fully qualified to answer. Although I don’t actually collect any of that stuff, because I’m the kind of maverick who hurls caution to the wind and throws stuff away. That said, I’ve often been left to rue my cavalier attitude when I’ve desperately needed some dried out modelling paints and haven’t had any to hand. What a fool I was.

And that’s it for this week’s James Explains. As ever, if you’d like me to explain the seemingly unexplainable then pop a question in the comments below.


  14 comments for “James Explains Onomatopoeia Amongst Other Things

  1. March 13, 2018 at 9:20 pm

    Brilliant answers James. Good fun keep up the good work. Love the poo fairy story.

    Liked by 2 people

    • March 20, 2018 at 8:31 pm

      It is one of my better creations. Though some people have described it as sh**


  2. March 13, 2018 at 10:17 pm

    How come some people do not believe in the poo fairy?
    If it was utter **** , fairy nuff, but we all know it holds water.
    Which raises another question…..why does poo hold water?

    Liked by 1 person

    • March 20, 2018 at 8:32 pm

      I’ve been so slow at replying to comments I can now refer you to my actual answer on the post itself. Which is cr** if I’m honest…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Jay
    March 13, 2018 at 10:54 pm

    Brilliant post!

    How do people make it on baking shows who have no baking skills?

    Liked by 1 person

    • March 20, 2018 at 8:32 pm

      I have now cooked up an answer to this on an actual post. Sorry for the slow response to the original comment…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Bryntin
    March 13, 2018 at 11:21 pm

    I imagined some questions for a FAQ on my own site. One of the questions I imagined was: If you are deciding something ‘on the balance of probabilities’, by definition, being balanced, the probabilities are exactly 50/50. How do you then decide which of the things you are deciding between is ‘on the balance of probabilities’ when the probabilities are obviously balanced?

    I couldn’t imagine an answer, perhaps you can help James?

    Liked by 1 person

    • March 20, 2018 at 8:34 pm

      Hopefully I can balance out the disappointment of failing to respond to your question here with the underwhelming response I’ve now posted on my blog.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. gigglingfattie
    March 14, 2018 at 2:04 am

    James, why is it, when at work 1.5 hours after you were supposed to go home, you are rightfully exhausted but after the 3 minute walk home and getting into bed, I will be wide awake hating myself for not being able to go to sleep?

    Liked by 1 person

    • March 20, 2018 at 8:35 pm

      Sorry, you caught me napping, but finally got around to replying to your question on the same day I posted the actual response on the blog…

      Liked by 1 person

      • gigglingfattie
        March 20, 2018 at 9:56 pm

        Oooo awesome!! And its no problem about the napping. I think we should all nap until winter is gone. If no one is around to witness it and complain – it’ll leavr faster right?

        Liked by 1 person

  6. March 14, 2018 at 3:42 pm

    Is it just me or is the concept of birds suddenly appearing every time someone is near (as in the song Close To You) utterly terrifying (as in the Hitchcock movie The Birds)?

    Liked by 1 person

    • March 20, 2018 at 8:35 pm

      An answer has now winged its way onto my blog!


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