There has to be a policy
For people to be able to adhere to the policy
But it’s a theoretical exercise
And no-one reads the policy
So no-one adheres to the policy
But it’s important that they could if they wanted to
For some reason

Frankly it’s annoying when anyone actually does read the policy
And then points out all the ways that people aren’t adhering to the policy
Because that was never really the point of the policy
And no-one likes the person who points out
When people aren’t sticking to the rules
As laid out in the policy
So, don’t be that person

Just let people do what they want
Regardless of the policy
Because the policy is only there
So that we all know there is a policy
And can confidently claim that
The policy does exist
If anyone ever asks
But no-one ever will

Even the person who wrote the policy
Doesn’t know what it says
Because they just copied and pasted
A different policy
Which in turn was copied and pasted
From another policy
And so it goes
Although presumably there was once a policy
That was written by someone who actually thought about it
But that has never been confirmed
And it may just be a legend

In any case
You don’t need to adhere to the policy
And you don’t need to actually read the policy
But we would appreciate it nonetheless
If you would just sign this form claiming that you have
Read and understood
The policy
As that is our policy on all policies

23 thoughts on “As Per Our Policy…

  1. I’m sorry that I cannot comment on this matter until you have agreed to our terms and conditions that you will find on pages 2 – 71 of the attached document. May I remind you that your business is very important to us and we will strive to ensure that we always treat you with respect you deserve no matter how much of a pain in the arse you are.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Only the very best policies get to experience the highs of lamination and trash can status. They need to meet the key criteria of:
      a) referencing out of date legislation
      b) containing several quite obvious spelling mistakes
      c) naming a minimum of one, but preferably three key staff who retired in 1987


  2. Thoroughly researched and succinctly put. I have a one penny insurance policy – does that count? Otherwise I will write to Parky and ask for my no-quibble Parker pen (Subject to T&C’s) and the opportunity to have a funeral that will outshine my life. Thank you for your heretofore undermentioned impartial advice (not necessarily the opinion of the author) in not more than your own words.


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