Sofa So Good

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Oh hallowed throne of relaxation
I sit here in shallow content
Though there may be some procrastination
That wasn’t my intent
For while I may have much to do
Tasks I should complete
I shall not achieve much today
For I’m only on episode two
Of a boxset that is quite a treat
So on the sofa I shall stay

The Grass Is Always Greener

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If the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence
Perhaps that means it rains more on that side
Which may not be a bad thing
If greener grass is worth a little extra rain
Although it seems unlikely
That it would rain more
On the other side of the fence
Because weather isn’t generally that different
On two sides of the same fence
That generally isn’t how weather works Continue reading The Grass Is Always Greener

The Best Of All The Poems

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This is a great poem
With good words
Big words
The best words
It’s a great, great poem
Believe me
And together we’re going to make poetry great again
I can tell you
The press will tell you it’s not a great poem
But they…
What do the press know about poetry?
I know about poems
I know about poetry

And this is a very great poem
The best poem
The best of all poems
Believe me
But I have more words
New words
Better words
Words our poetry richly deserves

And I promise you now
That the words I will use
Will be very
Very good
Fantastic words
Truly fantastic
And yes
They will be the right words

To make the very best poetry
In the history…
To eliminate bad poetry
Fake poetry
Because we deserve
You deserve
Better poetry
And we cannot allow bad poetry
We must take steps
To demolish and destroy
Bad poetry
And bad poets

They are the worst
And losers
Yes
They are losers
And we must eliminate them
And defend our right
To have the poetry
We all deserve
The very best poetry
Poems like this one
Which are very very good
And not at all bad
As some people would have you believe

Those people are wrong
They are liars
This is a great, great poem
The kind of poetry we deserve
All of us
You’d better believe it

And we will make poetry great again

It’s going to be beautiful

The Future Is Bright

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The realities of a ‘post-truth’ world
Are hard to distinguish from those
Of the pre-truth world
Worlds where we are bombarded by images
Of things we neither want nor need
Although
On reflection
Maybe we might need them
And we do quite want them
In fact, we can’t live without them

But iThink iKnow what iNeed
Though Apples are not the only fruit
Just look in the Amazon
For a Galaxy of alternatives
An Xperiance like no other
Knock here to use the Windows
If you want to escape the Androids

What do you think Alexa?
Or should we ask Siri?
Maybe Cortana?
But no-one asks Cortana.
Any more than anyone ever asked Jeeves

WikiLeaks will show us the way
To the whole truth
Or at least to aspects of the truth
Or an interpretation of the truth
The truth that will sell the most papers Continue reading The Future Is Bright

Poetry In (Loco)Motion

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I wrote this on a train
It was poetry in motion
The train was running late
Which filled me with emotion

The emotion, though, was joy
For I was late as well
My tardiness well-timed
I didn’t have to dwell

Better still, I got a seat
An unexpected perk
As I headed to my course
And an afternoon off work

I didn’t hold much hope
That my course would not be dull
But at least the journey there
Was semi-reasonable

So I took out my pen
And wrote this little ditty
While heading at high-speed
On a train into the city

Con-For-Us

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The conference is a noble thing
A day when experts confer knowledge
In allocated slots
To us know-nothing mortals
Who have had the nerve
Up to this point
To work without their wisdom

Although in truth
There is little conferring of knowledge
Or new knowledge at least
Just a purgatory of PowerPoints
Regurgitating redundant recommendations
Everyone has heard before

But in amongst the allocutions
Of stuff we all already know
Sometimes we can dare to dream
For a keynote speaker
With enough charisma
To make the blindingly obvious
Seem like it wasn’t really so obvious

And if the conference
Is a sham
A lie
An illusion of innovative information
If it is indeed a con
It’s a convivial con

It’s a con-for-us

For while orating the obvious
Might be the order of the day
It is still a day
Away
From our average day

And if we’re lucky
A free lunch
Continuous coffee
And maybe some sweets on our table
Will help us pass the time

Every Silver Lining Has a Cloud

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It was almost daylight
As I drove to work this morning
Almost a reason to be cheerful
And almost optimistic
About the fact that winter
Is almost over
In a few weeks I’ll be waking up to sunshine
To longer days
To vitamin D
But my inner pessimist
Couldn’t help but point out
That I’ll no longer be able
To blame my bad moods
On Seasonal Affective Disorder
And I may have to acknowledge
That I am, in fact, at times
Just a bit grumpy

Pedantic Romantic

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Roses are red
Violets are blue
Except (of course)
That isn’t true

Because a rose by any other name
Might smell as sweet
But a rose by any other colour
Would still be a rose
And a rose can be many colours
Though the colour known as ‘rose’
Is a kind of pink

And violets are really not blue
The clue is in the name
Because a violet by any other name
Would still be the colour violet
Which is really more purple
Than blue

Podiatric Problems

cold-feet
I’ve got cold feet
Less because
I want to withdraw
From an undertaking
To which
I have
Perhaps ill-advisedly
Committed
And more I think
Because it’s January
And I’m wearing neither
Socks nor slippers

Still, I sometimes wish
That the UK government
Had experienced slightly cooler feet
Than they clearly did
When committing to
An ill-conceived referendum
Several months ago