James Proclaims!

We didn’t really do anything for Halloween this year. That’s mainly because we don’t really do anything for Halloween any year. In my head, it’s not that big a thing in the UK. At least it never was when I was a child and my entire world view is generally shaped by how things were in the 80s and the 90s rather than how they are now. In fact my world view is shaped by my rose-tinted recollections of those decades rather than any true understanding of how things really were back then. Which is why I don’t really understand anything about anything for the most part.

As I recall though, Guy Fawkes night was always a thing when I was a kid. Although we didn’t call it Guy Fawkes night. It was generally known as ‘Bonfire Night’, but in some circles it was also known as ‘Fireworks Night’. There may have been a class distinction in terms of which nomenclature one chose. I wouldn’t know which class would associate most with which name though. But whatever name you used, it was always a fairly big thing.

Halloween was less of a thing. I do remember dressing up as a vampire once or twice, but I don’t remember it being something that always happened, whereas November the 5th (or the nearest weekend to it) was pretty much enshrined in the annual list of things to get excited about.

I am notionally aware that Halloween has always been a significant date in other parts of the world and it does appear, if my supermarket is to be believed, to have taken on more significance on these shores of late. Certainly Little Proclaims seemed to be quite excited about it, but in the end was placated by a Halloween-themed head-band picked up in the aforementioned supermarket, for a very reasonable price. She did ask if we might take her ‘trick or treating’, a suggestion which I immediately vetoed, on the basis that harassing my neighbours to encourage obesity in my five-year-old daughter does not seem like a path I wish to follow. Plus the neighbours have generally left us alone on that score since we moved in a decade ago, so I feel it’s only fair to reciprocate.

Little Proclaims was upset at my rejection of her plans, so I found a compromise, which entailed delivering ‘The Tin’ to Mrs Proclaims, who was working on her PhD in what we laughingly refer to as an office and then allowing Little Proclaims to ‘trick or treat’ her mother for her post-dinner dessert. All parties seemed happy with this arrangement, though I imagine this will not be a solution that stands the test of time.

‘The Tin’ is the container in which we keep all the chocolate-based snacks that we occasionally use to bribe Little Proclaims into eating her main meal. On this score it works quite well. However the existence of ‘The Tin’ has proven a little problematic for Little Proclaims’ parents and if we’re brutally honest, most of the time it needs replenishing because of us rather than our offspring.

Anyway, that was it. Halloween was done and dusted. Except that it apparently wasn’t, for Little Proclaims is due to attend her first ever school disco this evening. And it is Halloween-themed. A costume is not obligatory, but on the other hand, if she’s the only one without a costume then what would that say about us as parents? It’s not a question I want an answer to.

As fate would have it, although I work in a school, my half-term holiday is not entirely lined up with Little Proclaims, so although she has been in school all day, I have been off. So Mini Proclaims and I set out on a mission to obtain suitable attire so that Little Proclaims can go to the ball without Mrs Proclaims and I being subject to the judgment of other parents. Because other parents can be quite judgmental. I imagine. Certainly if they’re anything like Mrs Proclaims and I, then they are incredibly judgmental.

Mini Proclaims was not entirely invested in the mission, but she always likes an outing. Even if that outing is to nowhere more interesting than a supermarket. And she’s pretty good company for the most part. She does tend to sing loudly when we’re out in public, but she’s at an age where most people seem to consider it ‘cute’ rather than ‘antisocial’.

As it happens, there were still some Halloween-themed dresses in the store, and now, because the ‘big day’ has passed, they were reduced in price and I picked up what I thought was an absolute bargain of a dress, which has pictures of Minnie Mouse, dressed as a witch and holding a pumpkin. But when I got to the till, it turned out that it was even cheaper than advertised, and I picked up a brand new dress for Little Proclaims for a single, solitary pound.

Given the cost of living crisis, I am now wondering if it is appropriate to use the strategy of only buying ‘holiday-themed’ outfits for my children, immediately after said holiday has passed.

And I’m feeling pretty good about adopting that strategy.