James Proclaims!

Remember, remember the 5th of November, for some reason. I can’t remember why. Something about guide forks? I don’t know what a guide fork is but my guess is that it’s a multi-pronged implement that can help you find your way home. Obviously we don’t use them these days. The guide fork is something they used in the 17th century. These days we have satellite navigation systems.

I used such a system to get me and my family to Newbury racecourse on Saturday evening, so we could watch the annual fireworks display they hold there. My understanding it that it is the best fireworks display in Berkshire, although in all honesty, as we only ever go to that one, I have no meaningful frame of reference. It’s pretty good through. Some might say it’s ‘spectacular’. I might say that, but I’m prone to understatement, so I probably wouldn’t.

I used the sat-nav to get to Newbury racecourse, because, even though we go every year (and have done since 2022, so this is a longstanding tradition), I only go once a year, so I’m always slightly unsure of the way. It’s November after all, and it’s always dark when I travel. Fireworks are better in the dark as a general rule. But the dark can make it harder to spot familiar landmarks, so a sat-nav is a useful aid to the journey. I don’t know how effective a guide fork would be.

I don’t know why we have fireworks to celebrate the guide fork either. But we do. I love fireworks. So much so that between the mid 90s and 2022, I didn’t bother going to see any organised fireworks displays on the 5th November, choosing instead to enjoy the excitement of ‘Guide Forks Night’ by listening to the various neighbours I’ve had over the years setting off fireworks in their back gardens. Except for the few years I lived in Paris. They aren’t so interested in the history of the guide fork in France.

But then I had children, and just when my first-born was old enough to perhaps appreciate  fireworks displays, there was a world-wide pandemic and things like organised fireworks displays were frowned upon. 

But in 2022 it seemed ok to go to mass gatherings again, and so off we went to Newbury Racecourse to watch Berkshire’s biggest fireworks display. It was very good. Some might say spectacular. I wouldn’t though, but mainly because I’m prone to understatement.

We did enjoy the evening, that first time we went, but, because we’d never been before, we headed down early, and then, because everyone else had the same idea, we queued for ages to get into the carpark, then found there was a long time before the actual display, so we waited around for hours with a bored four-year-old and a confused 7-month-old for a display that while, arguably spectacular, lasted around 20-25 minutes. And then we tried to leave, only to discover that because we’d arrived early, our car was parked very far from the exit, and lots of people were all trying to leave at the same time. So we then spent hours trying to get out of the car park and got home, with two very tired children, much later than a reasonable bedtime for either of them.

In subsequent years, we’ve tended to travel later, which results in no queue to get into the carpark and a parking space very near the exit, so we are able to leave very promptly after the display that some (not I) would describe as spectacular, has finished.

The problem with this strategy is that, because I can’t quite remember the way without my modern day equivalent of a guide fork, I’m always worried that our late arrival might result in us missing the fireworks display. And, spectacular or not, if we don’t see the fireworks, we really have no reason to be at Newbury Racecourse on a cold November evening.

We never have missed the display though, so my annual anxiety is generally for nothing. 

This year was no exception. We made it with a good five minutes to spare before the traditional countdown began. Some years it is a ‘celebrity’ of sorts that does the countdown. Newbury does not have many celebrities to call upon. The one I remember was TV’s Clare Balding. I vaguely recollect being slightly underwhelmed by this, as while Clare Balding is undoubtedly the consummate professional when it comes to broadcasting, she’s not necessarily a celebrity to bring the crowds in. But this year it was just the director of Newbury Racecourse that did the countdown, and while I’ve no doubt he’s an excellent racecourse director, I did yearn for the days of Clare Balding.

Anyway the fireworks happened as they always do. Except that this year, no-one was describing them as ‘spectacular’. This year they were described as ‘spooktacular’. The reason for this is that the event didn’t happen on ‘actual Guide Forks Night’ which as we all know is tonight. No, it happened on Saturday last, which was the 1st of November and exactly one day after Halloween. So in honour of the two great autumn celebrations, there was a combined theme of sorts. 

At first I wasn’t sure what was ‘spooktacular’ about the event. Normally the display is accompanied by loud bombastic music being played over the tannoy, and this year that music was sort of ‘spooky’ I suppose. We had Michael Jackson’s Thriller and the Ghostbusters song from the 1980s movie of the same name. And some other tenuous music that I have already forgotten. But was that enough to make it ‘spooktacular’? I wasn’t convinced. And then I noticed that the fireworks themselves were exploding with more Halloweenish colours than normal. There was a lot more orange, green and purple on offer than would usually be the case. 

I was sold. I am prone to understatement as I may have mentioned. But I left that display and returned to my conveniently parked car in awe. 

It was the most spooktacular night of my life.

The kids enjoyed it too. Although I think the nuance of the theme was lost on them, and, if they had the vocabulary, they would probably just have described the event as ‘spectacular’.