As it is the third Monday in January, it is officially and indisputably Blue Monday – the most depressing day of the year. The rationale for attributing this label to an otherwise unassuming Monday was scientifically proven by a travel company in 2005, who, far from trying to sell more package holidays, were simply trying…
Tag: beer
The Eighth Annual Christmas Message from James Proclaims
I’m wearing a onesie festooned with images of Christmas trees and reindeer. I’m a tad more inebriated than would be the norm mid-afternoon. The oven is full of delicious (and expensive) things roasting and coated in an elaborate range of herbs and condiments. And we’re halfway through our second tub of chocolates in as many…
Of Bubbles And Bubbly
As I write this I am a little inebriated. I’m currently sitting in my garden on a Saturday afternoon drinking a bottle of pink sparkling wine, which does not appear to subscribe to such platitudinous labels as Champagne, Cava or Prosecco but is rather its own thing. Not that I could tell the difference between…
A Post Designed To Encourage You To Wish Me Happy Birthday
Happy Easter everyone! Also Happy Birthday, if it is also your birthday. It is my birthday. So Happy Birthday to me! Having a birthday which falls on Easter Sunday is not like having a birthday which falls on Christmas. Mainly because it doesn’t happen every year, but also because people don’t conflate Easter eggs and…
Come On Wales!
I am Welsh. Sort of. I was actually born in England, to an English mother and a sort of Indian father. My father was born in India, but moved to the UK when he was four years old. He grew up in England but moved to Wales when he was eighteen to go to university…
A Rapid Rhyme About Drinking Beer
Recently I fear I’ve been drinking too much beer Though it might be less risky Than consuming excess whisky It has often been my way To knock back an IPA I find you cannot fail With a decent pale ale Though I’d probably be fitter If I eased off on the bitter I know I…
A Post That Is Mainly About Watching Sport
As I write this it is Sunday afternoon. I’m watching rugby, which is one of the things I quite like to do. A lot of people might think that I like watching rugby because I used to play rugby. I have the physique of someone who might have played rugby in my younger days, before…
A Tanka Which Contains Irresponsible Advice With Regards Managing Wellbeing
Sometimes life is hard It seems like all hope is gone But do not despair Until you have checked the fridge If there is beer, there is hope
A Tanka About Why It Is Important To Consider When You Drink
As it is Friday I’ll probably have a drinkI drink on most days So I could not even think Of not drinking on Fridays
A Haiku That Continues My Mockery Of A Flawed Public Health Campaign And Also Questions The Timing Of It
Dry January? I’m not even ready to Try January!
A Haiku That Demonstrates I Have Deliberately Misunderstood A Flawed Public Health Campaign In Order To Mock It
Dry January ?A month without any rain? I will drink to that!
Another Twixmas Poem
The Christmas presents have long been unwrapped And the tree has seen better days But still the Twixmas party goes onThough it all seems a bit of a haze I’m not even sure what day it is Or when I last left this room I’ve eaten my own weight in chocolate But there are more…
Thinking Outside Of The Boxing Day
While I always like to write a Christmas Day post, I don’t always bother on Boxing Day. There are only so many times you can make jokes about festive pugilism after all. Still, I find myself with a few moments to kill today, as my daughter is enjoying her afternoon nap and my wife, who…
A Cinquain About How I’m Entitled To Be Annoyed About Lockdown Even Though It Barely Affects Me
Fridays I stay at home But that is out of choice So I resent being told I can’t Go out
A Tanka About A Tankard
Is there a vessel More noble than the tankard From which to drink beer? It does seem doubtful because Most glasses have no handle
A Haiku About The Morning After Feeling Without The Fun Of The Night Before
I drink less beer now But my toddler ensures that Hangovers endure
It’s Important To Have Standards
I like a cold beer But I drink responsibly I eat breakfast first
Reflections On The Recent Lockdown By A Man Who Might Be Slightly Inebriated
It will be Monday when I post this but, as I write, it is Saturday afternoon. Little Proclaims and I spent much of this morning doing our usual weekend daddy-daughter activities, which mostly consists of feeding ducks and jumping in puddles. I join in with the duck/goose/swan feeding as Little Proclaims, while content to hold…
Troubleshooting
If I can’t solve it By drinking excessively Then I can’t solve it
Morning Is Broken
Gordon took a sip of his lukewarm tea, his fifth cup of the morning, both in terms of volume of tea and indeed receptacles. The previous, now empty, mugs sat on the pine coffee table (bought second-hand from a charity shop and by far the nicest piece of furniture he owned) in front of him,…
Three Wishes
If I had three wishes I’d really like to believe I’d wish for peace on Earth All suffering, I’d relieve But if I’m really honest I doubt that I’d do that I’d wish for a box-set, beer and pizza And spend the evening getting fat
Dreamland
In the post Brexit bewilderment, many people looked to sport to lighten the mood. It’s pretty clear that the UK is currently in a political and economical state of confusion, and while the long term effects of leaving the EU (which we haven’t even begun the process of yet) may not be as bad as…
Beware Of The Kangadog
I haven’t blogged for ten days or so. It’s not been for a lack of inspiration but I’ve been quite busy for the last week and I haven’t had time to write any of my staggeringly brilliant ideas down. I haven’t even had time for my ‘trademark’ bad poetry.
Unprofessional? Moi?
I’m sorry that I didn’t Read that report you wrote In terms of how to spend last night It didn’t get my vote I had a pleasant evening Went to the pub instead Returned home rather drunk And collapsed upon my bed
Having My Cake And Eating It
Why do I avoid The things that are good for me In favour of the things that are bad? I know I’m happier When I’m healthier And usually I’m wealthier Because the bad stuff is more expensive Than the good
A Healthy Diet
Through grapes, grains and hops I consume my five a day Sometimes even more
The Weekend Is Here!
The last few days have been quite severe I’ve been waiting all week for a beer Or a nice glass of wine Would be equally fine I am so glad the weekend is here
James Complains – About An Unplanned Nap
No-one loves an afternoon nap more than me. It’s a fundamental part of the working day as far as I am concerned… I jest, of course- I’m a teacher, if I were to fall asleep at work I’d no doubt wake up with a very different hairstyle, a creatively drawn moustache and, in the same…
Making Merry
“Ok Bazza, it’s your round!” Barry looked at the three-quarters-full pint of warmish lager in front of him. “I don’t really want another drink to be honest,” he replied. “But it’s your round!” Toby remonstrated, aghast at his friend’s poor comprehension of pub etiquette. Barry took a sip of his tepid pilsner, and felt the…
James Proclaims! 