Not NaNoWriMo – Part 5

Hello people that are reading this, and welcome to the fifth of my ‘novel’ ideas for novels that I almost certainly will never write, except in the unlikely event that someone comes across this post and wants to read the finished work so badly that they are prepared to give me a stack of cash to write it.

But that won’t happen, so the fifth novel I won’t be writing is this:

The Dividend Yield

It’s a thriller set in the murky world of finance. It’ll be a rollercoaster ride of revenues, and an adrenaline-fuelled journey through investment opportunities.

Basically, it’ll be a cliché-ridden chronicle, probably with a murder or something at the centre of it. There will be various ‘set-pieces’ such as the main two protagonists (an unlikely pairing who have been thrown together in improbable circumstances and who despite their clear differences can’t help but feel a growing sexual tension) sneaking into a building to get information and then having to make a daring escape. There will be a twist at the end that you’ll probably work out in the first few pages of the book.

There will be a paper-thin plot that will be entirely predictable and lots of pages needlessly going into minute detail about economics, so as to turn what would have been quite a slim volume into a much thicker tome and thus give the purchaser the illusion that they are getting value for money, because nothing adds value to a reading experience than extra words. Even if some of those extra words are boring.

It’ll be made into a film starring one of either Matt Damon or Ben Affleck. It won’t be a very good film, but it’ll be vaguely watchable and reasonably cheap to make and should, consequently, make a decent return at the box-office.