Not NaNoWriMo – Part 5

Hello people that are reading this, and welcome to the fifth of my ‘novel’ ideas for novels that I almost certainly will never write, except in the unlikely event that someone comes across this post and wants to read the finished work so badly that they are prepared to give me a stack of cash to write it.

But that won’t happen, so the fifth novel I won’t be writing is this:

The Dividend Yield

It’s a thriller set in the murky world of finance. It’ll be a rollercoaster ride of revenues, and an adrenaline-fuelled journey through investment opportunities.

Basically, it’ll be a cliché-ridden chronicle, probably with a murder or something at the centre of it. There will be various ‘set-pieces’ such as the main two protagonists (an unlikely pairing who have been thrown together in improbable circumstances and who despite their clear differences can’t help but feel a growing sexual tension) sneaking into a building to get information and then having to make a daring escape. There will be a twist at the end that you’ll probably work out in the first few pages of the book.

There will be a paper-thin plot that will be entirely predictable and lots of pages needlessly going into minute detail about economics, so as to turn what would have been quite a slim volume into a much thicker tome and thus give the purchaser the illusion that they are getting value for money, because nothing adds value to a reading experience than extra words. Even if some of those extra words are boring.

It’ll be made into a film starring one of either Matt Damon or Ben Affleck. It won’t be a very good film, but it’ll be vaguely watchable and reasonably cheap to make and should, consequently, make a decent return at the box-office.

The Darkness Of The Light (1)

  13 comments for “Not NaNoWriMo – Part 5

  1. November 10, 2017 at 9:40 am

    A book that tops many critics Most Boring Books list is Finnegans Wake written by Irish writer James Joyce in 1939.
    Are you suggesting THE DIVIDEND YIELD might leave that book in its wake in the snooze-worthy stakes?

    Liked by 2 people

    • November 10, 2017 at 3:47 pm

      That’s probably beyond me but we should always aim for the top…


  2. November 10, 2017 at 10:38 am

    Please, add a car-chase sequence. Or May be not. I read Matt Demon and then thought of car-chase. But it is not a spy novel, it is based on economics. Hmm, am thinking – Drop the car-chase….

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 10, 2017 at 3:48 pm

      We could have a traffic jam. That has cars in it.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. November 10, 2017 at 12:30 pm

    I think sentient calculators need to be included to add to the drama. I’m sure it could be a divisive thing to do, and may be a minus point for some, but, for me, it would multiply the reading pleasure!

    Liked by 3 people

    • November 10, 2017 at 3:51 pm

      The probability is that would only appeal to a small percentage of readers. 12.45% to two decimal places.

      Liked by 1 person

      • November 10, 2017 at 9:25 pm

        I calculate that the differential may tend towards infinitesimally fewer!


  4. gigglingfattie
    November 10, 2017 at 2:51 pm

    LOL! “even more boring than it sounds” your little taglines on the covers are just great James!

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 10, 2017 at 8:09 pm

      Thanks – I’m glad you noticed them 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  5. November 10, 2017 at 7:40 pm

    I’m beginning to suspect you might have a fallback career as a book cover designer, you know, if the current gig doesn’t pan out….

    Liked by 1 person

    • November 10, 2017 at 8:11 pm

      That could be fun. But I’m only prepared to design covers for really bad books…


  6. August 25, 2020 at 9:17 pm

    Your stocks are plummeting…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. August 26, 2020 at 9:24 pm

    Murder is great Everybody loves murder Except for perhaps the victims


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