Sometimes I write bad poetry In itself that’s not a crime But perhaps it is a little sin That I often rhyme ‘crime’ with ‘rhyme’ Writing poems does amuse me And they rarely take much time And it’s not all that unusual For me to rhyme ‘time’ with ‘rhyme’ Sometimes my bad poems Find an…
Tag: satire
The Key Ingredients To A Good Blog Post
James Proclaims is made with the finest selection of high-quality verbs and suffixes, punctuated by a delicate array of commas, colons and apostrophes. We don’t use any artificial adjectives in any of our posts and all of our exclamations are free-range. James Proclaims can be enjoyed as part of a balanced reading diet but is…
An Exclusive Offer From James Proclaims
With the end of lockdown in sight it’s time to start making plans and at James Proclaims, we would like to help you to to make the most of the New Normal, with exclusive access to our new outdoor blogging club. Take advantage of our pre-opening offer and get your first month free and no joining…
The James Proclaims Brand Guarantee
RETURN POLICYLast updated March 14, 2021 Thank you for choosing to read this post. We are very proud of our posts here at James Proclaims and hope you are happy with your choice of reading material. However, if you are not completely satisfied with your purchase for any reason, you may return it to us for a…
James Explains The Rules For ‘Lockdown 3’
We’re roughly a week into to what the cool kids are calling ‘Lockdown 3’ in England and there appears to be continuing confusion about what is allowed and what is, in fact, not allowed. Which is in itself confusing because everyone fully understood all of the rules during the last two lockdowns. Except for the…
Lockdown 3 – The Miracle Of Science
And so here we are in another lockdown. It is officially ‘Lockdown 3’ in England, and we must distinguish between the UK and England, because other parts of the UK have been doing things differently, but with, it must be said, similar levels of success. Which is to say hardly any success at all. ‘Lockdown…
Locking It Down As The UK Goes Viral Again
As I write this, it is Sunday morning, but due to my propensity to write my posts slightly in advance of the day I publish them, this will likely be on my blog on Monday. That’s just the kind of advance planning I do to ensure that a rather niche and little-read blog is able…
A Haiku About Having Realistic Expectations
If you’re reading this In the hope it’s something good It may disappoint
Exclusive! An Interview With James Proclaims
For the last five years, little has been known about the mysterious figure behind the multi-award nominated blog, ‘James Proclaims’. Apart from the blog posts of course. But what can you really tell about a person from a blog post? Well, possibly quite a lot. Or maybe nothing at all. Have the utterings of the…
The World’s Most Difficult Riddle? Only 10% Of People Who Tried This Could Solve It
Hello, I’m James and this is my blog, ‘James Proclaims’. I enjoy a riddle as much as anyone, but you won’t find one here. Certainly you won’t find the ‘World’s Most Difficult Riddle’. I don’t know what that is. But I would imagine that if 10% of people can solve a riddle then it would…
James Explains How To Blog
Hello bloggers and bots, it’s James here, off of the multi-award nominated blog, ‘James Proclaims’. I’ve been at this blogging malarkey for over five years now (if we ignore all the blogs I started and then abandoned in the preceding years. Of which there were a few) so I’m something of an expert. Indeed after…
James Explains How To Comment
Hello fellow bloggers, bots and the unlikely but still plausible person who reads this and is neither a blogger nor a bot. Today I’d like to talk about commenting on blogs. Because I’ve noticed that some people are prone to do so on this blog and, to put it bluntly, not everyone is getting it…
An Urgent Appeal On Behalf Of The James Proclaims Foundation
At this difficult time, it is easy to forget those less fortunate than ourselves, but here at The James Proclaims Foundation, we refuse to abandon those who are in need of our support. Over the last few months we have been working tirelessly to continue to provide essential services to people like ‘James’. James is…
The Insurance Industry Doesn’t Want You To Know About This Simple Life Hack Which Could Save You Thousands
Hello, I’m James and this is my blog ‘James Proclaims’. You may have clicked on this post on the basis that the title suggests it contains some kind of life hack for saving money – money which you would otherwise lose to the insurance industry. In reality this post contains nothing of the sort. I…
The Adequate Blogger Award
Happy Tuesday everyone! I’m super excited today because I’ve been nominated for ‘The Adequate Blogger Award’ by James over at James Proclaims. I just want to take a moment to thank James for nominating me. He has a super awesome blog which has poetry and haiku and limericks and poems and also some really brilliant…
10 Celebrities Who Have Serious Mental Health Problems – You Won’t Believe Number 4!
Hello, I’m James and this is my blog, ‘James Proclaims’. The above picture is of Henry Cavill, who is possibly best known for playing a version of Superman, but not the definitive version of Superman, because that will always be the late, great, Christopher Reeve. As well as playing an ‘OK but not great’ version…
Please Read – This Post Contains Important Information Regarding a Forthcoming Induction Seminar For New Followers
Welcome to James Proclaims – I would like to offer our sincere thanks to you for choosing to further your reading experiences here. You are following a great blog with a longstanding commitment to excellence and innovation. At James Proclaims, leadership in poetry and satire is combined with a collaborative spirit and global connections. You…
Wanted – Talented Writers Who Have No Personal Ambition And Are Happy To Give Away Content For No Remuneration Or Credit
A exciting opportunity has arisen for a creative, results focused and ambitious Content Writer who can take direction from written or spoken ideas and convert them seamlessly into quality content that is better than the stuff we’re currently churning out. James Proclaims Ltd James Proclaims is a multiple award-nominated blog based in the UK somewhere.…
Revealed: Ten Things You Didn’t Know About Coffee
Hello, I’m James and this is my blog, ‘James Proclaims’. I like coffee. I drink quite a lot of it and I’m something of a snob connoisseur. But in all honesty I doubt I know ten facts about coffee that aren’t already common knowledge. It would be ludicrous to claim otherwise. Regular readers will no…
Important Information For Our Readers
Dear Reader Thank you for your continued loyalty and support during these past months, which we know have been difficult ones. As life begins to return to some normality, we want to reassure you that we’re continuing to do everything we can to keep you safe while still providing the quality poetry and great art…
James Explains The Mask Situation In The UK
It is officially mandatory to wear face-masks in some places in the UK as of today. It was already mandatory to wear them on public transport but previously it was not necessary to wear them in shops. According to ‘man of the people’ Michael Gove, it was basic good manners to wear them in shops,…
Ten Reasons That You’re Underperforming And Five Ways You Can Fix It
Just five years ago I was a mess, like you probably are. I was failing at life and I didn’t know why. Then one day I picked up a book by Dr Willhem Grimaldi and my life has never been the same. I realised that I had been making the same ten mistakes as all…
Remember Vincent Montcetti? You Won’t Believe What He Looks Like Now!
Do you remember 90’s heartthrob Vincent Montcetti, star of teen comedy ‘Saved By The Prince’? It seems unlikely because I just made him up. And I made up the show too. The photo above is just something I found on one of those websites that has royalty-free images. I have no idea who the bloke…
James Interrogates ‘The Science’
Like many people I’ve been slightly perplexed by the way the British government has handled the ongoing pandemic. It’s not that I fundamentally disagree with anything the government is doing. I would like to disagree, but while I lack any remote understanding of what they are doing, I’m not sure I can disagree. Because to…
Desperate Lover
I know I said I’d write A poem about you But I can’t do it now Cos I really need the loo You know that I adore you And I would try to write it first But I just can’t hold it in Cos I’m about to burst My poem will be lovely I’m sure…
My Poem Is Better Than Yours
It might seem disrespectful To compare poems that we wrote But in a poetry competition Mine would get my vote I’m not saying yours is bad, I’m sure it is just fine But alas it isn’t really Quite as good as mine No, I don’t think as a poet You can compete with me But…
Magic Penguin And The Season Finale
Magic Penguin, Fat Giraffe, Mystic Mouse, Stupid Donkey, Ed The Ostrich, Happy Rhino, Anxious Bull, Mardy Puffin, Fast Gibbon, Mistaken Moose, and Wise Owl were enjoying a drink in the Shoe and Phone one afternoon. “Wow, there are a lot of us here today,” said Fat Giraffe. “Including some characters who don’t usually come into…
Pedantically Proverbial
Music has charms to soothe the savage beast But it can annoy the neighbours at four in the morning And even at other times of day I’d imagine the savage beast Is soothed by some genres more than others The early bird catches the worm Although in truth So the late bird probably catches the…
Magic Penguin And The Further Lowering Of The Bar
Magic Penguin and Mardy Puffin were enjoying a drink in the Slipper and Pager, an establishment neither was known to frequent. “It’s alright in here,” said Magic Penguin, “reasonably priced, good selection of craft beer, and the food looks pretty good too.” “It’s not bad,” agreed Mardy Puffin, “I prefer the Sandal and Fax, but…
Magic Penguin And The Return Of The Main Characters
Magic Penguin, Fat Giraffe and Mystic Mouse were enjoying a few drinks in the Shoe and Phone one afternoon as they tended to do with monotonous regularity. “So, we’re back then,” observed Mystic Mouse. “What do you mean?” asked Fat Giraffe, “We’re always in the pub. We literally don’t do anything else.” “Yes, but last…
Magic Penguin And The Missing Main Characters
Mardy Puffin, Fast Gibbon and Mistaken Moose were enjoying a drink in the Sandal and Fax, as was their way. “Something’s not right,” said Mistaken Moose. “I think you’re mistaken,” said Mardy Puffin. “That’s right, I am,” agreed Mistaken Moose, “I’m Mistaken Moose. What’s that got to do with my original observation?” “No, I mean…
James Proclaims! 