The Leader We Deserve

In these troubled times we need strong and stable leadership.

We need consistency.

In any given situation we need a guidance on what the best solution probably is.

We need someone who can generally point us in the right direction.

Of course nobody’s perfect but we need a figurehead who is right more often that they are wrong.

I’m not sure any of us have that at the moment.

I think it’s time for something new.

This may be radical thinking but I propose a new leader to take us where we need to go.

All bow down before…

…The Rule Of Thumb!

IMG_0098

Always Read The Label

It’s Friday, which is the day that, when I can be bothered, I post something that I claim is art, even though it really isn’t.

Even accepting the notion that art is in the eye of the beholder, and that anything can therefore qualify as art, it would be a stretch to claim I’ve actually achieved anything remotely artistic with my ‘Artist’s Corner’ feature.

But today that’s about to change because, ladies and gentlemen of the blogosphere, I give you this masterpiece:

IMG_0095

Now you might claim that all I’ve done here is rip the label off a tin of tomatoes and replaced it with a white self adhesive label onto which I’ve written the word worms.

And you’d be right, that is all I’ve done.

It isn’t an actual can of worms and not even a particularly gullible small child would fall for it. Mrs Proclaims was, nonetheless, a tad apprehensive when I opened the above can earlier this week to make a sea food pasta dish. She ate it but she did eye the squid with a little more suspicion than usual.

But it is art nonetheless, because my ‘can of worms’ is representative of all of the metaphorical ‘cans of worms’ being opened at the moment, all over the world (but often by one man in particular…).

When you think about it I’ve been very very clever here.

Probably the most clever of all the artists.

 

A Man Most Modest

cup-1013619_640 (1)
When it comes to being modest
I really am the best
I am so self-effacing
That I outshine the rest

Few could be as unassuming
Less desiring flattery
My metaphoric trumpet
Is never blown by me

Though I do have many talents
And every right to boast
The greatest thing about me is
I’m less arrogant than most

Oh if I chose to show it
My genius would shine bright
But it’s well under a bushel
That I choose to keep my light

Yes, it truly is astounding
That I am so moderate
In the humble hall of fame
I am an all time great

James Complains About The Demise Of His Smart Phone And The Relative Lack Of Inconvenience This Has Caused

broken-72161_1280
This image in no way reflects the actual problem with my phone. 

It seems like only a few weeks ago that I was ‘celebrating’ the fact that I had written my very first blog post via the medium of phone and extoling the wonders of the modern world.

Admittedly it seems like only a few weeks because it is, in fact, only a few weeks since I wrote that post.

It would be fair to suggest that I only wrote that particular post because I was participating in NaBloPoMo, one of the lesser November challenges in which I needed to write a blog post everyday throughout the month of November. I succeeded, but only because I was prepared to plumb the depths of mediocrity and writing a post from my mobile phone about writing a post from my mobile phone could be considered one of the highlights. Continue reading James Complains About The Demise Of His Smart Phone And The Relative Lack Of Inconvenience This Has Caused

The Limerick Code

I feel a mild disclaimer is required for this particular piece of fiction. I hope it’s clear that I’m parodying a particular genre and everything below was written with tongue firmly in cheek. Nonetheless I can’t ignore the fact that this particular genre is quite popular commercially so I reserve the right to adopt ‘Professor Peter Turnbottle’, without even a hint irony, as the hero of a novel that I may write in a shameless attempt to secure an agent and book deal in the future.

cooltext135271704393994

Professor Peter Turnbottle examined the letter again. It made no more sense upon the second reading.

“Contained in this note is a warning
That a day full of peril is dawning
I advise you leave now
Or I fail to see how
You won’t draw your last breath this morning.” Continue reading The Limerick Code

James Reviews a 16kg kettlebell

If like me, you have a track record of buying home fitness equipment and not really using it, then this 16kg kettlebell is just what you’ve been looking for.

kettlebell

Unlike that enormous weights bench, which sat in your parents’ garage long after you left home, this kettlebell is relatively easy to transport. A cautionary note, it does weigh 16kg, which is quite heavy if you’re travelling on public transport, but it will fit easily into the smallest of cars, which means that relocation shouldn’t stop you from keeping (and not using) your kettlebell forever. Continue reading James Reviews a 16kg kettlebell

Summer Wardrobe Essentials

summer wardrobe essentials

Early one morning
On a high street like any other
Before the retail giants had even begun to yawn
I saw a man asleep in a doorway

In the window of that same establishment
A well-known clothing outlet
Written in garish pink, were the words
‘Summer Wardrobe Essentials’ Continue reading Summer Wardrobe Essentials

James Complains About People He Doesn’t Like

I think I’m often misrepresented as someone who doesn’t really like other people. I’m overly sarcastic and it’s been suggested more than once that I don’t suffer fools gladly. I suppose that’s true, I don’t ‘suffer’ anything gladly. Who suffers gladly?

But I’ve got nothing against fools who don’t make me suffer.

In actual fact I like people as a general rule. I just don’t very much like being around lots of them at the same time. But I don’t think social anxiety should ever be mistaken for misanthropy – they really aren’t the same thing. Continue reading James Complains About People He Doesn’t Like