The other day I was giving Little Proclaims a bath. I say ‘giving her a bath’, but these days my main function is to get the water to the right temperature and then hover in the background while she plays with her plastic ducks. It’s certainly not an unpleasant part of the evening but I…
Category: James Proclaims
A Recent ‘Conversation’ Between Me And My Two-Year-Old Daughter
“Daddeee! My welleeee!” “Oh no, has your welly come off? Well I’m driving at the moment but I’ll put it back on for you when I can stop.” “Dadddeeeeee!!! My welleeee! My welleeee!” “I know sweetheart but I can’t stop the car at the moment.” “My welleeee! My welleeee! My welleeeeeee!” “I’m really sorry darling,…
A Post That Is Mainly About Watching Sport
As I write this it is Sunday afternoon. I’m watching rugby, which is one of the things I quite like to do. A lot of people might think that I like watching rugby because I used to play rugby. I have the physique of someone who might have played rugby in my younger days, before…
Snow Delightful
“Do you want to build a snowman?” a young Anna sings plaintively to her older sister, Elsa, secure in the knowledge that this offer will be rejected as it always is. I know this because Little Proclaims, my two-year-old daughter, is a fan of the hit Disney movie Frozen. Well, less a fan of the…
Fifty Shades Of Blue
According to some, today is Blue Monday. ‘Blue Monday’ is the pseudoscientific name often attributed to the third Monday in January, which is purported to be the most depressing day of the year. Although obviously complete nonsense, it does hold up to a small amount of scrutiny – Christmas is now long forgotten but the…
A Prosaic Post About Productive Posting And Pretentions Of Prodigious Poetic Performance
According to the Gods of WordPress, this is my 900th post since I started this blog, back in the fifth month of the year that I like to refer to as 2015. 299 of those posts (including this one) have occurred since I started, what is now comfortably, my longest ever blogging streak on the…
Lockdown 3 – The Miracle Of Science
And so here we are in another lockdown. It is officially ‘Lockdown 3’ in England, and we must distinguish between the UK and England, because other parts of the UK have been doing things differently, but with, it must be said, similar levels of success. Which is to say hardly any success at all. ‘Lockdown…
2020 Foresight
The return to work after Christmas is always a difficult one. January is not the best of months anyway, what with all the obligatory self-improvement and cold weather, and having to work seems to just be adding insult to injury. January 2021 comes with some bonus challenges of course, thanks to the ongoing pandemic which,…
Resolving To Be Resolute
As is customary on the first day of the year I intend to make some resolutions in order to stop being the rubbish version of me that the world has come to know and instead become a really good version of me. Maybe even to become the best me that I can be. But that…
Thinking Outside Of The Boxing Day
While I always like to write a Christmas Day post, I don’t always bother on Boxing Day. There are only so many times you can make jokes about festive pugilism after all. Still, I find myself with a few moments to kill today, as my daughter is enjoying her afternoon nap and my wife, who…
The Sixth Annual Christmas Message from James Proclaims
Merry Christmas! Sorry, my mistake. I forgot that Christmas had been cancelled this year. Being an established misanthrope I would have no doubt chosen to spend today with my wife and child and absolutely no-one else, regardless of any pandemics, so here at Proclaims Towers it really is starting to look a lot like Christmas.…
Locking It Down As The UK Goes Viral Again
As I write this, it is Sunday morning, but due to my propensity to write my posts slightly in advance of the day I publish them, this will likely be on my blog on Monday. That’s just the kind of advance planning I do to ensure that a rather niche and little-read blog is able…
No Vembers Were Harmed In The Writing Of This Post
I don’t know what a vember is but it matters very little because we are officially in the one month of the year when they are scarce. At least I presume the lack of available vembers is the etymology behind the naming of the eleventh month of the year. Although I obviously know that it…
A Post That Is Sort Of About Halloween
Today is Halloween. I don’t much care about Halloween most years, so it seems unlikely that I will that bothered about it this year. But the world is quite a scary place at the moment. I don’t know if that makes Halloween more or less worthwhile. We’ve basically been experiencing the apocalypse since the end…
Just Call Me Mr Milestone
In recent weeks I have passed quite a few significant milestones in my life. The milestones are, of course, metaphorical. I haven’t passed any real milestones. Or possibly I have when I’ve been out and about, but if that is the case I haven’t really noticed. In real life, actual milestones are a somewhat dated…
Blogging The Candle At Blog Ends
At first glance the title of this post looks like it might be a clever play on a fairly common idiom. But it isn’t really that clever and it doesn’t bear up to much scrutiny. Nonetheless, as the title of a fairly pointless post about my current blogging stats, it serves a purpose. That I’m…
A Rambling Post About Some Stuff And Also Some Other Stuff
Hello people who read this blog. I hope you are well. I’m writing this on Sunday evening, although this post, if I finish it, will not hit the blogosphere until Monday morning. Probably at 5am, as that seems to be the fairly arbitrary time I generally elect to schedule my posts to appear. I used…
I’ve Finally Achieved My Dream
Last week I disappeared from the blogosphere for a few days. You may not have noticed. Why would you? I’m not a blogger of any particular consequence. Besides, even though I wasn’t really around, my writing still was, as I made use of the rather helpful ‘scheduling’ feature on WordPress and my posts appeared everyday,…
You’ll Never Get More Readers Without Doing This
Hello, I’m James and this is my blog, ‘James Proclaims’. Every Wednesday, for the last few months, I have been writing disingenuous posts with click-bait titles. While my motivation has always been fairly tongue-in-cheek, I did start doing this partly to see if it made any difference to my overall stats. I don’t massively care…
Exclusive! An Interview With James Proclaims
For the last five years, little has been known about the mysterious figure behind the multi-award nominated blog, ‘James Proclaims’. Apart from the blog posts of course. But what can you really tell about a person from a blog post? Well, possibly quite a lot. Or maybe nothing at all. Have the utterings of the…
My Toddler Still Thinks I’m An Idiot
Back in June I wrote a post called My Toddler Thinks I’m An Idiot. Essentially I recounted how my wife and I were attempting to bring our daughter up to be bilingual in French and English. We were always quietly confident about the English bit of that particular ambition, what with English being our first language…
The World’s Most Difficult Riddle? Only 10% Of People Who Tried This Could Solve It
Hello, I’m James and this is my blog, ‘James Proclaims’. I enjoy a riddle as much as anyone, but you won’t find one here. Certainly you won’t find the ‘World’s Most Difficult Riddle’. I don’t know what that is. But I would imagine that if 10% of people can solve a riddle then it would…
All Blog And No Blog Makes Blog A Blog Blog
Happy September everyone! It’s not actually September as I write this, but I am planning on posting this on the first day of September. Because, without wishing to ruin the magic for anyone, sometimes I write my posts ahead of time. Anyway, although I’m writing this on the 29th August 2020, it will be September…
The Last Post: Why I’m Giving Up Blogging Forever
Hello, I’m James and this is my blog, ‘James Proclaims’. This is my 757th post on this particular blog. I thought it was going to be my 750th but I appear to have overshot by a week. Last Wednesday’s post, entitled ‘The Insurance Industry Doesn’t Want You To Know About This Simple Life Hack Which…
An Urgent Appeal On Behalf Of The James Proclaims Foundation
At this difficult time, it is easy to forget those less fortunate than ourselves, but here at The James Proclaims Foundation, we refuse to abandon those who are in need of our support. Over the last few months we have been working tirelessly to continue to provide essential services to people like ‘James’. James is…
The Insurance Industry Doesn’t Want You To Know About This Simple Life Hack Which Could Save You Thousands
Hello, I’m James and this is my blog ‘James Proclaims’. You may have clicked on this post on the basis that the title suggests it contains some kind of life hack for saving money – money which you would otherwise lose to the insurance industry. In reality this post contains nothing of the sort. I…
The Adequate Blogger Award
Happy Tuesday everyone! I’m super excited today because I’ve been nominated for ‘The Adequate Blogger Award’ by James over at James Proclaims. I just want to take a moment to thank James for nominating me. He has a super awesome blog which has poetry and haiku and limericks and poems and also some really brilliant…
10 Celebrities Who Have Serious Mental Health Problems – You Won’t Believe Number 4!
Hello, I’m James and this is my blog, ‘James Proclaims’. The above picture is of Henry Cavill, who is possibly best known for playing a version of Superman, but not the definitive version of Superman, because that will always be the late, great, Christopher Reeve. As well as playing an ‘OK but not great’ version…
The Tragic Tale Of Dipsy
The picture above is of Dipsy. On the off-chance you’ve never come across him before, Dipsy is a Teletubby, off of the TV show ‘Teletubbies’. I say ‘he’ although I wasn’t sure before I started writing this if Teletubbies had specific genders and, if so, what specific gender Dispsy was. But I’ve checked, because the…
Please Read – This Post Contains Important Information Regarding a Forthcoming Induction Seminar For New Followers
Welcome to James Proclaims – I would like to offer our sincere thanks to you for choosing to further your reading experiences here. You are following a great blog with a longstanding commitment to excellence and innovation. At James Proclaims, leadership in poetry and satire is combined with a collaborative spirit and global connections. You…
10 Unbelievable Epic Fails Caught On Camera
Hello, I’m James and this is my blog, ‘James Proclaims’. Recently I started writing posts with ‘click-bait’ titles. It was sort of an experiment to see if it got more people to visit my blog, but also a bit of fun that I thought that people who already visited my blog would find amusing. Insofar…
