A Poem About How Toilet Roll Went Away (Lest We Forget)

So rare once upon a time
Now in plentiful supply
Your absence was a real crime

It never made much sense why
You vanished from all the stores
Scarcity that made us cry

And long queues outside shop doors
After panic most undue
Caused multiple bog roll wars

So it’s true that we missed you
Because many things may change
But we’ll always need the loo

  29 comments for “A Poem About How Toilet Roll Went Away (Lest We Forget)

  1. August 23, 2020 at 5:19 am

    I’m so glad we pandemic-ites are over the hysteria of toilet paper. It was a dark period in this Dark Period. I think the pasta hysteria is almost over too. Anyway, all I can think is — bring on the vaccine.

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 23, 2020 at 10:13 pm

      Most things are back on the shelves here but a vaccine would be good. Ideally for Covid, but one for mass hysteria would be good as a back-up.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. August 23, 2020 at 7:23 am

    Did you know anybody who actually stockpiled it, though? I didn’t.
    I wonder how much of it was stockpiling, and how much was everyone buying just a little bit more and, with supply chains being so fragile, supermarkets could not cope? Maybe the issue was not panic buying, but those supply chains?

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 23, 2020 at 10:17 pm

      It was no doubt more complex than what was reported. But as soon as the media decided to start reporting about panic buying it became a self-fulfilling prophesy. and I do believe there was some panic buying. Whether the people who did it viewed it that way is another matter. I never judge the public as a whole by the people I know. I didn’t personally know anyone who went to Bournemouth but I understand a fair few people went.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. August 23, 2020 at 7:43 am

    we’ve now crossed over in to the Golden Age as toilet paper production has skyrocketed 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 23, 2020 at 10:18 pm

      The Golden Age of Toilet Paper is something I never thought I’d live to see

      Liked by 1 person

  4. August 23, 2020 at 8:10 am

    Nice echo in the rhyming pattern.

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 23, 2020 at 10:19 pm

      Thanks. I think I was trying to do a specific kind of poem, but I’ve already forgotten the name of it.


  5. August 23, 2020 at 12:12 pm

    Can you do yeast and self-raising flour next week?

    Liked by 1 person

    • August 23, 2020 at 10:20 pm

      I don’t know if I’d find it as inspiring as toilet paper…


      • August 23, 2020 at 10:40 pm

        The hell of lockdown had reached its peak in that cake I couldn’t bake
        Perhaps bread, but alas, no yeast at this hour, no pasta, no bog roll and no self raising flour for that cake I couldn’t bake
        In my hour of exercise a voice in my head I would hear
        Sod the cake try buying a six pack of beer
        As I ran to the door empty cartons on the floor. No milk, no rice, no freedom.
        Just a longing for that cake I couldn’t bake.


  6. August 23, 2020 at 2:44 pm

    I’m ashamed to admit I am fully stocked and ready for the next toilet paper apocalypse. Do you think 28 rolls is enough?

    Liked by 4 people

  7. August 23, 2020 at 3:15 pm

    Call me a heretic, but I question the rationality of the whole global toilet paper run. I confess that in my darker moments I have wondered if the people who stockpiled toilet paper were completely rational about every other area of their lives.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. August 23, 2020 at 6:21 pm

    Don’t forget we’ll need to stock up in case of a no deal Brexit – best get in quick before the shelves empty again 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 23, 2020 at 10:22 pm

      I’ve already built my ‘no deal’ bunker…

      Liked by 1 person

      • August 23, 2020 at 10:28 pm

        Wise move. Hope you’ve lined it with 🧻

        Liked by 1 person

      • August 23, 2020 at 10:30 pm

        I built it out of the stuff. I had a few spare rolls lying around…

        Liked by 1 person

  9. August 23, 2020 at 6:24 pm

    I was just thinking about this today at the store, where there are aisles and aisles full of toilet paper–they’re practically giving the stuff away now. We never stockpiled it, having some common sense, but it WAS a little nerve-wracking when those shelves were so bare! Love the poem:-)

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 23, 2020 at 10:27 pm

      Looking back, there were probably only a couple of weeks when things were really difficult to get hold of, but it definitely felt like the apocalypse at the time.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. August 23, 2020 at 7:02 pm

    I love the poem But My family lived on the edge We never ran out but there were days when we asked ourselves just how clean is clean?

    Stay well and Laugh when you can

    Liked by 2 people

    • August 23, 2020 at 10:30 pm

      There was certainly less need to meet with social norms when you couldn’t socialise with anyone anyway.


  11. August 24, 2020 at 12:39 am

    Things all come out in the end

    Liked by 1 person

  12. August 24, 2020 at 11:25 pm

    A hilarious phenomenon following, probably, one hysterical person who thought it was something they couldn’t live without if this pandemic got any worse! Great post!


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