James Proclaims!

It is not Halloween as I write this, but I expect this will be published on Halloween. Ideally Halloween 2023.

As I write this, I am enjoying the sound of the washing machine in the background, having also recently enjoyed the delights of washing up the dishes. I don’t normally enjoy either of these things, but thanks to a recent plumbing crisis, having a functioning washing machine and hot water coming out of the kitchen tap are luxuries not to be scoffed at.

The plumbing crisis was caused by a burst pipe in our neighbourhood a few days ago. The ensuing repair by Thames Water resulted in a lot of silt appearing in our water supply. Which is fairly unpleasant. Despite being a murky brown for much of the first few hours of this crisis, we did maintain a steady supply of cold water to the property but the silt managed to clog up both our combi boiler and our washing machine.

Cursing one utility company, I was forced to rely on another to repair the boiler. Unfortunately, despite waiting in all day for British Gas, when they did arrive it was a five minute visit, during which time the engineer announced he couldn’t repair the problem because he didn’t have the right part. We had to wait another two days for the return of hot water, which does seem like quite a long time to have to wait, particularly as it had taken them two days to tell us this information.

In the meantime silt continued to appear intermittently in our cold water, to the extent that Mrs Proclaims decided to contact Thames Water to see if this was something that was likely to be ongoing. Aside from the fact that it’s not especially nice to drink sandy water, we were also concerned that when British Gas eventually deigned to repair our boiler, it would only get clogged up again if the silt situation was likely to continue.

Thames Water were not inclined to offer a phone number on their website, but did offer a handy online chat facility, on which Mrs Proclaims spent two hours telling someone that she was concerned about silt in the water, and not, as the representative kept interpreting, a ‘split’ in the water. It was not two hours well spent.

Fortunately, as things stand, we appear to have neither silt nor a split in our water and the boiler has been repaired.

The washing machine was also clogged with the aforementioned silt. This turned out to be quite easy to fix, but for some reason, despite knowing that our washing machine fills with cold water, I had assumed that the reason it wasn’t working was linked to our boiler problems. So we went as long without a washing machine as we did without hot water and indeed it was only when the hot water had been restored and it appeared that the washing machine was still not working, that I consulted the oracle that is YouTube looking for a solution, YouTube, as it so often does, delivered a DIY solution that I could manage to follow and now the washing machine is tackling the substantial backlog of laundry.

Hygiene has been rather dubious in the Proclaims household in recent days. I have been showering at the gym, because I am currently on one of my, often short-lived, fitness kicks. Mrs Proclaims, who regards all physical exercise with suspicion, has been suffering cold showers. Our children have largely been disgusting. Mini Proclaims is 18 months old. Even with fully functioning plumbing she is quite spectacularly gross most of the time. Still, the levels she has sunk to in recent days have been impressive. Little Proclaims is now five. She is less inherently disgusting than her sister, but she still has her moments, and is not quite old enough to feel any kind of shame.

Fortunately all has been restored to normality.

So our Halloween might well be less horror-filled than the days which have led up to it.