A Pun-ishing Eggs-ercise In Which I Shell Not Egg-Cell In Cracking Eggs-tremely Eggs-cellent Yolks

James Proclaims (4)


If the title of the post has brought you to here in the eggs-pectation that I’ll be cracking lots of egg-based puns then I’m sorry to disappoint, but I won’t be.

Apart from in that sentence.

Which I admit, looks a little misleading as disclaimers go.

But, much as I enjoy a good egg-based pun it’s eggs-hausting trying to crowbar them into whatever I’m writing, so I’m not going to do any more.

But if you want to leave some in the comments then feel free.

The comments section of a blog is the place for egg-based humour.

I look forward to seeing you there.

In the meantime I must write about the elephant in the room.

Which is not an actual elephant.

I’ve done a whole post about an actual elephant in the room before. It was hilarious. You can read it now if you click on these words.

The elephant in this post is entirely metaphorical. For the elephant in this room is none-other than the noble Easter Egg.

I know Easter isn’t really about the giving and receiving of chocolate eggs and frankly the worldwide pandemic is causing bigger issues than whether or not I get to eat a chocolate egg or two today.

But I like an Easter Egg. It reminds me of when I was a child. And given that I have really struggled over the last forty-one years with the whole ‘growing-up’ malarkey, I need things like overpriced chocolate eggs to keep my, rather loud, inner child happy. Also I have a rather loud ‘outer’ child who lives in my house. She’s my daughter.

Although she’s still only twenty months old so she doesn’t much care about Easter Eggs yet.

I’m certain she’d like an Easter Egg if I gave her one, because she does like chocolate.

Or she claims to like chocolate.

I mean she does like actual chocolate, but she tends to refer to lots of things that aren’t chocolate as chocolate. She often uses  it as a synonym for things which look quite appealing to eat.

Sometimes it might be other nice things like gingerbread or cake.

But the other day I distinctly heard her refer to a stone she found in the garden as chocolate so I’m not sure her tastes are all that discerning yet.

But back to the eggs.

Often Mrs Proclaims and I will buy each other an Easter Egg. It’s one of many things we try to do to demonstrate that we like each other.

Which we do.

But in the current climate, we’re only supposed to go out to make essential purchases.

And it’s hard to argue that an Easter Egg is an essential purchase.

There were stories in the media about the police taking issue with certain shops who were selling Easter Eggs. It’s hard to imagine that could be down to the British media seizing on one or two incidents of slightly overzealous policing at a time of great confusion and uncertainty to provoke a reaction from an already bewildered and fearful public. That doesn’t sound like the British media at all…

Still, Easter Eggs have been on sale in the supermarkets, so, while it would seem irresponsible for Mrs Proclaims and I to have gone out specifically to buy them, I felt entirely justified in just shoving some into the trolley when I was braving Tesco for my essential weekly groceries recently.

There was an offer if you bought three so I bought three.

Which could be distributed evenly between my wife, my child and myself.

But, as discussed, Little Proclaims is really too young to have her own Easter Egg.

And if I’m honest, Mrs Proclaims didn’t desperately want one either.

So I may have purchased three largish chocolate eggs entirely for my own consumption.

Obviously my wife and daughter might have a bit of chocolate egg here and there to help me out.

But I’m going to be eating most of the chocolate myself.

On reflection, this may not have been a sensible purchase.

But the supermarkets are such stressful places these days.

So I think, by only getting three, I actually demonstrated great restraint.

And for the first time in a long time, there was plenty of toilet paper on the supermarket shelves this week, so if excessive chocolate consumption causes any undesirable effects, then I’m covered there too.




  17 comments for “A Pun-ishing Eggs-ercise In Which I Shell Not Egg-Cell In Cracking Eggs-tremely Eggs-cellent Yolks

  1. Bryntin
    April 12, 2020 at 9:57 am

    I don’t want to accidentally make any silly puns or mention the seasonal ovoids in my comment so I am figuratively treading on…
    Happy chocolate ovoid in sparkly foil and plastics day James. And don’t forget the real message of Easter. Which is… umm… Always Look on the Bright Side of Life wasn’t it?

    Liked by 2 people

    • April 12, 2020 at 10:17 am

      I believe you may be right. Although the People’s Front of Judea may disagree with you. Or was it the Judean People’s Front?

      Liked by 1 person

  2. April 12, 2020 at 12:45 pm

    This was an eggcruciating eggample of eggistential egghibitionism.
    Enjoy your chocolate!

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 13, 2020 at 7:41 am

      I may have over-egged it a little. I did enjoy the chocolate though.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. April 12, 2020 at 4:30 pm

    The title of the post was eggsciting enough and I’m with you on the chocolate. But, really, don’t you think that eating your daughter’s chocolate is like stealing candy from a baby?

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 12, 2020 at 5:01 pm

      Quite literally. I’m sure I’ll feel guilty at some point…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. April 12, 2020 at 6:47 pm

    The best part about chocolate is that you can never hoard it–it sits in the cupboard calling your name until you have no choice but to shut it up by eating it!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. April 12, 2020 at 7:06 pm

    I shell refrain from comment!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. April 12, 2020 at 7:12 pm

    ‘Easter isn’t really about the giving and receiving of chocolate eggs’… What? Are you mad? I’ll give you ‘giving’, but ‘receiving’? Surely a man of your intelligence must know that Easter is ONLY about the receiving of chocolate eggs. It is my fervent wish that the Glenmorangie Chocolate Egg is just around the corner. The chocolate in my house is all silent now – but, boy, was it shouting this morning!

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 13, 2020 at 7:43 am

      Sorry, the Glenmorangie Chocolate Egg was just around the corner, but I was also around the corner and I ate it…


  7. April 12, 2020 at 9:34 pm

    In Canada, the Easter Bunny (and the Tooth Fairy) were declared an egg-sential service — as they should be. cheers

    Liked by 1 person

    • April 12, 2020 at 10:11 pm

      That’s eggsactly how it should be.

      Liked by 1 person

      • April 12, 2020 at 10:14 pm

        And the groan was heard across the Atlantic

        Liked by 1 person

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