Feeling tired is fine at night And much less helpful now But when the time to sleep was right My mind would not allow Unconsciousness to find me So in bed I lay alert I couldn’t get my brain to see That insomnia would hurt Any chance of a productive day So my work I…
Month: February 2018
James Explains Rin Tin Tin Amongst Other Things
Hello fact fans and welcome back to another ‘James Explains’, the bit of my blog where I answer the questions that other people have asked me. And, after the unfortunate business of last week, I can confirm that this week I do have questions to answer. Indeed I was inundated with so many questions that…
Il n’y a plus de poulet !
It’s the 26th February and before this week is out, it’ll be March. March! The days will start to get a bit longer, the weather might be slightly less inclement, and winter will be over for another year. Technically we have wait until March 20th for Spring to officially…er…spring? But I think we can…
Magic Penguin And The Need For A Nemesis
Magic Penguin, Fat Giraffe and Mystic Mouse were whiling away the afternoon in the Shoe and Phone as they were sometimes inclined to do. Fat Giraffe was slightly irritated that he had mostly been left out of last week’s story, seemingly only to be used as a cheap device to conclude the narrative with…
Targeting Success
Red-faced and drenched in sweat, Ryan pumped out his final set of reps on the bench-press. With a grunt of relief he lowered the barbell for the last time and staggered to his feet. He glanced up at the clock on the wall. It was still only 6:30. Plenty of time before he had to…
Не продается вдохновенье, Но можно рукопись продать.
Another Friday, another, frankly dreadful, portrait of a literary great. And today we travel to Russia to meet Alexander Pushkin, who apparently was quite good at writing. Not so good at duelling though by all accounts and he met his premature end at the hands of his French brother-in-law, who apparently had a bit of…
Films I Watched When I Was Younger – Issue 8: Total Recall
Like 1982’s Blade Runner, 1990’s Total Recall is based on a story by acclaimed science fiction writer, Philip K. Dick. However, a dystopian futuristic setting, and similar source material is probably the only common ground the two movies share, as the intellectual and philosophical weight of the former is largely jettisoned in the latter for…
Ode To A Pod From A Coffee Snob
What would life be without the pod From which my coffee doth arrive? Of all of the cons considered mod It’s my favourite ogive For without the pod how could I Ensure my daily caffeine Without effort and commitment Of methods so slow they make me cry? But I suppose they are still less obscene…
James Explains Nothing Very Much At All
Admittedly it was something of a risk when I started a regular feature on my blog that was entirely reliant on ‘audience participation’ that there might come a day when the audience chose not to participate. Or more specifically when I started a feature, which was entirely dependent on other people asking me questions, that…
The Valentine’s Day Monotony
As I write this it’s Valentine’s Day. If you’re reading this on the day it actually hits my blog then it isn’t Valentine’s Day anymore because I’m intending to publish this post on Monday. Specifically Monday the 19th February. If you are reading this on Valentine’s Day then it is almost certainly not the same…
Magic Penguin And The PC Brigade
Magic Penguin and Mystic Mouse were enjoying a drink in the Shoe and Phone. “It’s nice in here,” said Mystic Mouse. “Is it?” said Magic Penguin in surprise, for he had always felt that the Shoe and Phone was a dingy backstreet watering hole, and certainly not the kind of establishment that anyone would ever…
Keyboard Warrior
The tea was hot, milky and very sweet, just the way Byron liked it. He took a sip as he stared at the screen. The match was not five minutes over and already the furore had begun on the forums. Red4eva2001 had posted the first inflammatory comments about the game, citing the poor refereeing decisions…
Lasciate Ogni Speranza, Voi Ch’Entrate
Continuing my theme of drawing third-rate portraits of well know literary figures, here is my attempt at capturing the reasonably talented Dante Alighieri, who is perhaps best known for his Divine Comedy. I haven’t read it, but I do enjoy a good comedy so I’m sure I’d really like it. He is cited as an influence…
Films I Watched When I Was Younger – Issue 7: Pretty Woman
1990’s Pretty Woman might seem an odd film for me to enjoy given the genre of film that I’ve tended write about in recent weeks. But if the nineties action movie was generally the staple of my teenage movie diet, I did occasionally sample other delights and I did really like Pretty Woman when it…
A Sententious Sonnet
How do I love thee, let me count the ways Although perhaps counting is not for now When I’m trying my best to express how I feel about you today of all days Maths is not a noted way to give praise Quantity of sentiments won’t allow Expressions of feelings of love to thou Indeed,…
James Explains Morality Amongst Other Things
Hello, and welcome to another James Explains, the regular feature on my blog where I answer the seemingly unanswerable. Remember, if you have a problem, if no-one else can help and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team. But if you just have a question and you can’t be bothered to…
Winter Wonderland
I don’t much understand the Winter Olympics – we didn’t get to do much skiing, snowboarding or speed-skating when I was growing up in South Wales. Then again we didn’t do a huge amount of rowing, dressage or modern pentathlon round my way either and I like the Summer Olympics quite a lot, so maybe…
Magic Penguin And The Melancholy Tomato
One day, after a competitive game of squash, Magic Penguin and Fat Giraffe decided to pop into the Shoe and Phone for a few drinks. As Magic Penguin had narrowly won the match, Fat Giraffe had to get the first round in. He went to the bar to order the drinks while Magic Penguin went…
It’s The Taking Part That Counts
Mike wiped the sweat from his brow, and looked at his crestfallen team-mates who were gathered round him for his half-time talk. It was not going well, they were being out-thought, outplayed and simply outclassed by their opponents. As team captain, it was his job to re-motivate the boys, lift their spirits and get them…
La Senda De La Virtud Es Muy Estrecha Y El Camino Del Vicio, Ancho Y Espacioso
Another Friday, another doodle and, as per the last two weeks here is yet another depiction of a great literary figure. And it’s none other than the great Spanish writer and one of the world’s first novelists, Miguel de Cervantes. He’s probably best known for writing Don Quixote, which to be honest I’ve never read. I…
Films I Watched When I Was Younger – Issue 6: Double Impact
Last week I wrote about 1992’s Under Siege, a film in which Steven Seagal solved the problem of being a mediocre (at best) actor by surrounding himself with much better actors thus producing a film that is really quite good (for a mindless nineties action flick). A year earlier, Jean-Claude Van Damme opted for…
While You Were In We Thought You Were Out
One thing in life That I find quite frustrating Is when I have to spend time Endlessly waiting For something or someone That is due to arrive At an unspecified time Between 8 and 5 That’s quite a large window And it makes me feel stressed To spend a whole working day Under house arrest…
James Explains Schrödinger’s Cat Amongst Other Things
Hello and welcome back to ‘James Explains’, the bit of my blog where I explain things that other people claim to want to know more about, but possibly don’t really want to know about. Pete, who previously asked about my name and ‘the point’ and the financial implications of Brexit and who is still from…
A Second Referendum?
Since the UK voted to leave the European Union in June 2016, it’s barely been out of the media. The election of a racist misogynist billionaire to the White House has provided some light relief on occasion, but you can’t turn on a TV, listen to the radio or open a newspaper in the…
Magic Penguin Phones It In
Fat Giraffe and Stupid Donkey were sitting in awkward silence in The Shoe and Phone. “I’m sure he’ll be here any minute now,” said Fat Giraffe breaking the silence, “he’s normally very punctual.” “Well let’s hope so,” said Stupid Donkey, “I’m not sure if we can carry this one on our own.” “I mean, I’d…
Insomnolent Isometrics
John awoke with a start. It was dark and without his glasses on he couldn’t make out the digital read-out on his radio alarm clock. Rachel was still sound asleep beside him, giving no indication that his sudden return to consciousness had in any way disturbed her. Feeling it was probably better to maintain that…
J’aime Mieux Un Vice Commode Qu’une Fatigante Vertu
It’s Friday and therefore time for my regular doodle, which this week continues the theme I started last week of producing portraits of some of history’s greatest literary and cultural figures. And what better person to follow on from Shakespeare, in these times of Brexit, than the man some might consider to be his Francophone equivalent,…
Films I Watched When I Was Younger – Issue 5: Under Siege
1992’s Under Siege is that rarest of things, a good Steven Seagal movie. It’s oft described as being ‘Die Hard on a boat’ and that’s not an entirely unfair description. Except it’s not as good as Die Hard. Mostly because it has Steven Seagal in the lead role rather than Bruce Willis. Furthermore, while Seagal’s…
James Proclaims! 